i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
