don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
