Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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