I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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