I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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