he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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