I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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