genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
