Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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