She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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