Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
