Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
