I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
