Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
