My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
