ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
