did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
