worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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