he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
