I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
