dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
