Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
