seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
