In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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