are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
