i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
