I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
