At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
