do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
