So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
