Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
