a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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