So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
