soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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