How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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