maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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