you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
