The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
