I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
