so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
