I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
