His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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