Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
