so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
