he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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