Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I party with great urgency now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
