Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
