What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
