I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
