The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
