You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
