I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
