summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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