I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
