yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
