he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
