What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
